Memories

These are lyrics I once wrote for an instrumental song, I put together with pre-existing loops with the help of GarageBand (a program to create music). While I was cleaning up my text documents folder, I rediscovered these lyrics, and felt like sharing it with you.

The lyrics are about an old friend, I still feel very connected to, I met when I was a child.

Here you can listen to the instrumental song:

It was that day,
When he stood there,
In that beautiful way.
Long Ago.
Do I know him,
It was like in a dream.
I looked in his eyes,
And saw his true self.
And then I woke up,
They were just memories,
Of beautiful times,
Long Ago.
What do you think,
Just don't sink,
In memories.
It's ok,
I'm here,
Live your life.
It's ok,
Be yourself,
And go on.
Live your life.
And then I woke up,
They were just memories,
Of beautiful times,
Long Ago.
Why are you gone,
I cried out loud.
He said,
It's too much for me.
It's ok,
I'm here,
Live your life.
And then I woke up,
They were just memories,
Of beautiful times,
Long Ago.

Distance

A void in my heart.
Deep, vast. I can barely breathe.
Freeze. I cannot move.
Tears falling down my cheeks.
I hurt him, so he closed down.
Distance.
Will he ever open up again?
I feel scared. I feel scared.

Gone

You're gone anew.
Tell me. Where are you going, when you leave?
Are you coming back? 
I never know.
I never know.
Oh! You are back!
You are, right?
Say, you aren't leaving again, are you?
You are here, you say.
But for how long?
In a blink of an eye, you left again.
Are you coming back? 
I never know.
I never know.
As I await your return.

Fate

This one was inspired by a video game called God of War: Ragnarök

What is fate?
Something set in stone?
Planned out for me?
A curse I can never break?
Or is it the most probable outcome at this point in time?
Does it change, when I do?
Is it the story being written in every moment?
Flowing, like a river stream?

The right to exist

Did I do something wrong?
Did I… do something wrong? Did I?
… I did… right?

They left me. People… they… left me.
No. I‘m withdrawing before it can even start.
But why? Why am I doing that? Am I afraid?
Afraid of what? Afraid of being lynched?
Afraid of being driven away?
Afraid of losing myself? Afraid to… die?
Am I afraid? Yes… Yes, I am. I am scared. more “The right to exist”

Love

Say, my beloved,
Do I love you?
Do I truly love you?
My dear friend, tell me:
What is love?
What does that word mean?
What does it mean to love?
I love you...
I love you.
Is that love?
Is saying that to love?
What I know is,
I miss you.
I miss you like no one else.
I miss you every day.
What I know is,
I'm longing for you.
I long to hear you voice again.
I long to see your smile once more.
I long to feel your hand in mine.
What I know is,
That I trust you.
I trust you more than anyone on this planet.
What I know is,
That I know you.
I know your heart, gently beating in your chest.
What I know is,
That I feel you, no matter how far apart.
What I know is,
That you are with me every step of the way.
What I know is,
That we are connected throughout worlds and dimensions.
Throughout every single star shining in the cosmos.

2nd Audio Message

I talk about my pain and the value of vulnerability

A message to a dear past friend

Mamoru… Where are you? Why did you go? What happened? Why did you reject me without explaining it to me? You told my cousin, I would have clung too much and that you couldn’t handle the way I was or maybe how I still am.

Thinking of you, I feel safe, imagining being in your arms, knowing though that you wouldn’t want to embrace me like that. Am I abusing you when I am doing that nonetheless? Mamoru… I need you… so much. I need your protection, your understanding, and your confidence, your faithfulness. more “A message to a dear past friend”

My Precious Beloved

Where are you?
I am longing for you.
Where are you?
I feel you somewhere inside of me.
I feel you everyday.
But who are you?
Did we ever meet before?
We did. Yes, we did!
It feels like we know each other for so long.
You are my closest friend. My dear brother.
My precious beloved.
And yet, I don't remember your face.
Who are you? My love, that I feel everyday.
I am longing to see you.
I am yearning to touch you once again.
My loved brother. Where are you?
I feel you. Yet, you aren't here.
My friend from the farthest past.
I need your presence.
I'm seeking your gentle eyes.
I'm looking for you kind smile.
Tell me, my other whole.
Where do I find you?
Where do I trace your heart?
My closest friend. My dear brother. My precious beloved.
I feel lost without you in this strange world.
Tell me. Where do I find you?
When can I look into your soft eyes again.
When can I see your gentle smile once more.
I'm looking forward for that time to come.
Until we meet again, my dear friend.

Darkness

What is this place?
It's dark. Dark.
Hey! Do you know where I am?
No answer to hear...
Silence. Utter, empty silence.
Breathe. I have to breathe.
Going forward in darkness.
Every breath feels heavy.
But I have to breathe. Breathe.
And another step forward. Forward.
In darkness.