A void in my heart. Deep, vast. I can barely breathe. Freeze. I cannot move. Tears falling down my cheeks. I hurt him, so he closed down. Distance. Will he ever open up again? I feel scared. I feel scared.
Distance
July 11, 2023
Tag: Heart
Gone
April 15, 2023
You're gone anew. Tell me. Where are you going, when you leave? Are you coming back? I never know. I never know. Oh! You are back! You are, right? Say, you aren't leaving again, are you? You are here, you say. But for how long? In a blink of an eye, you left again. Are you coming back? I never know. I never know. As I await your return.
Fate
March 29, 2023
This one was inspired by a video game called God of War: Ragnarök
What is fate? Something set in stone? Planned out for me? A curse I can never break? Or is it the most probable outcome at this point in time? Does it change, when I do? Is it the story being written in every moment? Flowing, like a river stream?
The right to exist
January 22, 2023
Did I do something wrong?
Did I… do something wrong? Did I?
… I did… right?
…
They left me. People… they… left me.
No. I‘m withdrawing before it can even start.
But why? Why am I doing that? Am I afraid?
Afraid of what? Afraid of being lynched?
Afraid of being driven away?
Afraid of losing myself? Afraid to… die?
Am I afraid? Yes… Yes, I am. I am scared. more “The right to exist”
Love
January 19, 2023
Say, my beloved, Do I love you? Do I truly love you? My dear friend, tell me: What is love? What does that word mean? What does it mean to love? I love you... I love you. Is that love? Is saying that to love? What I know is, I miss you. I miss you like no one else. I miss you every day. What I know is, I'm longing for you. I long to hear you voice again. I long to see your smile once more. I long to feel your hand in mine. What I know is, That I trust you. I trust you more than anyone on this planet. What I know is, That I know you. I know your heart, gently beating in your chest. What I know is, That I feel you, no matter how far apart. What I know is, That you are with me every step of the way. What I know is, That we are connected throughout worlds and dimensions. Throughout every single star shining in the cosmos. With that, I can truly say: I love you.
2nd Audio Message
January 12, 2023
A message to a dear past friend
January 7, 2023
Mamoru… Where are you? Why did you go? What happened? Why did you reject me without explaining it to me? You told my cousin, I would have clung too much and that you couldn’t handle the way I was or maybe how I still am.
Thinking of you, I feel safe, imagining being in your arms, knowing though that you wouldn’t want to embrace me like that. Am I abusing you when I am doing that nonetheless? Mamoru… I need you… so much. I need your protection, your understanding, and your confidence, your faithfulness. more “A message to a dear past friend”
My Precious Beloved
December 28, 2022
Where are you? I am longing for you. Where are you? I feel you somewhere inside of me. I feel you everyday. But who are you? Did we ever meet before? We did. Yes, we did! It feels like we know each other for so long. You are my closest friend. My dear brother. My precious beloved. And yet, I don't remember your face. Who are you? My love, that I feel everyday. I am longing to see you. I am yearning to touch you once again. My loved brother. Where are you? I feel you. Yet, you aren't here. My friend from the farthest past. I need your presence. I'm seeking your gentle eyes. I'm looking for you kind smile. Tell me, my other whole. Where do I find you? Where do I trace your heart? My closest friend. My dear brother. My precious beloved. I feel lost without you in this strange world. Tell me. Where do I find you? When can I look into your soft eyes again. When can I see your gentle smile once more. I'm looking forward for that time to come. Until we meet again, my dear friend.
Healing — A child’s story
December 18, 2022
Chapter 1 — A light in the darkness
Somewhere on this planet, there is a very, very dark place. There, you can see nothing, but blackness, which seems to devour everything.
In this place, there is nothing, no one. No one, but one child. That child, you see, isn’t moving. It is sitting in the darkest corner of the room, its head laying between his bent knees, as it is staring into the dark void. It is neither screaming nor crying. It sits and stares, doing nothing. It has no energy left to move a single bone. Time doesn’t flow and so it never ends. more “Healing — A child’s story”
The heart has many meanings
December 18, 2022
The heart or what some call the soul has many meanings. I’ll refer to it here as the heart as the meanings are found in the word itself.
Heart – Either the physical or spiritual heart
Hear ‘t – When we separate Hear and t and add an apostrophe it says: Hear ‘t, so Hear it.
H-ear-t – The h being like the breath or sound and ear literally being the organ we hear with. So to me the word hear means: Perceiving sound with the ear. And the t we can either remove or treat it as it, just like before, the it refering to the h, the sound. more “The heart has many meanings”