A void in my heart. Deep, vast. I can barely breathe. Freeze. I cannot move. Tears falling down my cheeks. I hurt him, so he closed down. Distance. Will he ever open up again? I feel scared. I feel scared.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I… do something wrong? Did I?
… I did… right?
They left me. People… they… left me.
No. I‘m withdrawing before it can even start.
But why? Why am I doing that? Am I afraid?
Afraid of what? Afraid of being lynched?
Afraid of being driven away?
Afraid of losing myself? Afraid to… die?
Am I afraid? Yes… Yes, I am. I am scared. more “The right to exist”
Mamoru… Where are you? Why did you go? What happened? Why did you reject me without explaining it to me? You told my cousin, I would have clung too much and that you couldn’t handle the way I was or maybe how I still am.
Thinking of you, I feel safe, imagining being in your arms, knowing though that you wouldn’t want to embrace me like that. Am I abusing you when I am doing that nonetheless? Mamoru… I need you… so much. I need your protection, your understanding, and your confidence, your faithfulness. more “A message to a dear past friend”